A Poem by Satya Dash

Self-Appraisal

In the risk of light, dirt stings
      My eyes, affirming its soundless
Accumulation. I realize I sang in confidence
      The wrong song for years. The ones
I could have loved dearly were driven
      Away in ruthless sequence by misinformed
Syllables. Where I did pick up these
      Nuggets of repulsion? Under the mosquito
Net, I spent a substantial part of my night
      Life, my snoring eyes imagined planets,
My ear passing through tunnels, clinging
      To the backside of express trains. I ate samosas
Daily for six years straight. I liked things deep
      Fried, dipping them in hot sauce. I liked lacing
My tongue with lemon juice before the first bite
      Of a meal. Still I never qualified as kinky
Because I kept finding ways to blame myself
      For my failure to usurp the past. This meant
I never offered a 100 percent of my self
      To the present. The days I drank whiskey
Coincided with the days on which I said
      I love you. Thanks to my slackening metabolism, 
Correlation stopped betraying causation. Drinking
      Prohibited my inhibitions, ushered my latent
Flamboyance. Some even said, I was good
      Company when intoxicated. It’s a pity
This never made it to my CV. All minds
      Are museums. I know the inside
Of only mine. Rusty as fuck. The kite I flew once
      Remains entangled in the transmission lines
Of a cellphone tower. My hands keep wanting
      To crease its rhombus. After it rains
Flying termites leave their tiny helicopter
      Wings on my writing desk. Some get stuck
To my fingertips. My nails glisten
      On both sides.

Satya Dash is the recipient of the 2020 Srinivas Rayaprol Poetry Prize and a finalist for the 2020 Broken River Prize. His poems appear in The Boiler, ANMLY, Waxwing, Rhino Poetry, Cincinnati Review, and Diagram, among others. Apart from having a degree in electronics from BITS Pilani-Goa, he has been a cricket commentator. He has been nominated previously for Pushcart, Best of the Net and Best New Poets. He grew up in Cuttack and now lives in Bangalore, India. He tweets at: @satya043